Anonymous asked: I'd hate to be black, whats it like?
I don’t see how u can hate from outside the club , u can’t even get in hahaha
I’ve learned that I do not have to make myself digestible.
I do not have to work so hard at making my ideologies, behaviors, issues, my entire self compact enough for anyone’s convenience.
I won’t serve you a spoonful of sugar so the idea of me will go down easy like medicine.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to lessen, minimize, taper, ease, or erode just so you have a pill easier to swallow.
I’ve learned that most men like simpler girls.
Girls who won’t cry to audre lorde poems, girls who aren’t difficult to love and be loved, girls who don’t expend most their energy on scribbled journal entries you never get to read, girls who aren’t — at most times — beastily. girls who aren’t bitter, girls who always taste like sugar and honey and look like the morning sun.
I’ve learned that I am not and never have been one of those girls. I am at most times ugly, oftentimes aware, and I’m always fighting; scratched, bruised, and sweaty. I’ll habitually taste like a cold stout beer and look as dark, fearful and daunting as night
and I won’t allow myself to pretend to be anything else.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to spend hours late at night hunched over my soft parts cotton picking the the bits of me you only want to see, those needles in the giant haystack of my existence just so you have something easier to wear.
I’ve learned that I don’t have to lighten the load of my voice, my heart, my body they’re heavy, loud and very deep but I won’t ask you to carry any of it for me.
I have been carrying this load for 20 some odd years and some days are easier than others but by God I get through it and with or without anyone else I will continue to do so.
and I’ve learned that I need someone who will love me because of.
not instead of, or inspite of, or even though, or even if,
because I’ve had those kinds of loves and
I’ve learned that subordinating conjunctions and prepositions have no place in anything worthwhile for me; they’re bridges to delusions I refuse to cross.
I’ve learned I don’t need shortcuts, abbreviations, abstracts, summaries or syllabuses.
I need someone who won’t complain of me taking up too much space, I need realness and honesty;
I need the space be whole.